Recursion

2008-03-01T07:04:28Z

My last entry was 230-something weeks ago. I've always meant to have something more to post, but I haven't, and I believe I am the worse for it. Not because of any inherent value in producing blog posts above any other format. Because let's face it, in the time it takes me to come up with something interesting and informed, I could write software which produces blog posts for me. In fact I'm sure I will some day, and I expect that my automatic blog posts will in all likelihood be more interesting, and more informed than anything I would write by my self. So after all of these weeks, I've decided to work on a few new blog posts. This counting as being the first of them. I'm promising myself to make at least 12 posts this year, which means I'd like to average one per month.

In this first post I will introduce some of the topics I plan to talk about though I don't have a real time line for when they will be posted, I'm hoping to have a pretty uniform distribution of posts over time, rather than the rushed 11 posts in one week because I waited until the last minute These will likely occur in the order they are listed, but there may be additional posts in between.

Before I do that though, I wanted to say a few words on why it's important to me to start making posts.

Like I said, I don't think there's any inherent value to writing down my silly musings and letting the world see them in a blog as opposed to any other format. The problem is that I haven't been making silly musings to begin with. Sharing with the world is really much more of a motivation to have something worth saying for me at this point. Maybe that will change, but I guess there's also the philosophical question: Even if I have the most profound idea, what good is it if I don't share it?

That is the funny thing about information. It isn't worth anything to keep it secret, its value is in the sharing. I guess someone doing some blackmail may believe the opposite is true, but that's another issue entirely, and I can make arguments for my statement despite that. So here I am, about to add some value to my life. So that's why I wanted to start actually using this thing.

What follows are some of the topics I intend to bring up in the coming months, hopefully they are as interesting to someone else as I imagine they should be.

Wanting and Liking

In substance abuse research, there is an analysis of an abuser which involves breaking the abuse behaviors up into aspects of wanting the substance compared with aspects of liking the substance. It's been ages since I studied this topic, but I'm going to apply this paradigm to my life as well, though there is probably a surprising lack of substances to abuse in it.

What is Right

When asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I really doubt I would have said what I do now. In fact, the bulk of what I do now didn't exist until my teens, but that aside I still wouldn't have said it. What I wish I would have said though was "What is Right."

Tower of Forgotten Dreams

Back when I used to play Magic: the Gathering, one of the stores I bought my cards from was the Underworld in Ann Arbor. I believe they closed, but they used to be located in a basement shop on South University. One of the features of this store was that they had a wire-framed column from floor to ceiling into which people who purchased expansion packs would deposit their wrappers. They called this the "Tower of Forgotten Dreams." This was likely the first indication that I should quit playing, and eventually I did, but I do have my own Tower, and I will talk about it here.

FUCK Computational Linguists

http://xkcd.com/114/

Ghost in the Machine

I do a lot of automation work when I write software for fun. I've written software to play cards, software to download things automatically, and software for cataloging my downloads. What I really want to automate though is consciousness. Maybe then I can get some sleep.

Neural Models

I imagine these could be a good way to get the ghost into the machine. I have an idea for how this should be done, but I don't necessarily have it working, or believe that it will work. I expect to talk about what I want to have work, more than what I have working.

What if this is as good as it gets?

2003-07-20T20:27:12Z

All my life, I wanted to be a superhero. I'm faced today with the not-so-startling realization that I am indeed no where near to being or becoming one. Of course, the only one to blame for this fact is myself. I'm faced, as always, with an incessant sense of self-loathing. I have at least, arrived to determine at least one certainty of life: there is no greater charlatan than the man who convinces himself of any measure of self-worth. In the end the only real value we'll have is as fertilizers. I only hope that poison ivy doesn't grow on top of me. Though maybe I should, for at least I'll be remembered longer than roses.

It's sad isn't it? How the discomfort of outdoors can last for days to weeks, but the pleasure from it fades ever so much more quickly? Consider, if poison ivy made you smell nice for a couple of weeks instead of itch, we would have it growing everywhere. All of life is like that. Fun is a fleeting fickle thing. Misery, on the other hand, will last you a lifetime.

There is most likely a very good reason for the way the world works. If pleasure were the default, then there'd be no drive for achievement. People, animals, the world, everything would stagnate. And so the miserable man is more fit by darwinistic standards.

Odd isn't it. Buddhist philosophy is focused on arriving at a state where you need nothing, but that's the opposite of what's evolutionarily advantageous. It's need that motivates us to be. But at the same time, we have a sense of need to be rid of it.

So this is where I am stuck. In need of being needless.

A man of constant sorrow

Recursion

What if this is as good as it gets?